May 2011
1 post
Two Years with The Wooer
I first met The Wooer two years ago today. This is a representative chronology of the second year of our relationship, as told by Twitter. (Year one, abridged, is here.)
June 2010
The Wooer returns tomorrow from 2 weeks of Army Reserve annual training. Brushing the crumbs out from between the sheets.
SEX: Coming soon.
July 2010
The Wooer sends a WWF update: “We resigned the last...
June 2010
1 post
May 2010
3 posts
One Year with The Wooer
I first met The Wooer exactly one year ago today. We’ve been pretty happy together.
This is a representative chronology of our relationship, as told by Twitter:
July - September 2009
The Wooer: “You have a LOT of underwear.”
Me: “Well, I’m a GIRL.”
The Wooer: “I know. I checked.”
Me: “FINE I’ll make my own eggs… and try not to cry into them.”
The Wooer: “IF YOU DO DON’T SALT...
Stop! Missed Connections.
Missed Connections are the young urban professional’s obituary column. At least, I read them—I read other people’s life narratives, that is—with the same grotesque, distanced curiosity with which I read synopses of individual strangers’ newly finite existences.
(But, we all know that works written from a first person perspective, in the present tense, with a touch of the absurd, are most...
April 2010
1 post
March 2010
1 post
Information
Not to toot my own horn (oh god! that was punny!) or anything, but I wrote something, (and there’s nothing funny about it).
Shareable: Would You Share Your Car with a Stranger?
February 2010
2 posts
“… I imagined I was drinking coffee elsewhere. Some Arabic-speaking country where the thick coffee served in little cups was so strong it could keep you awake for days.”
—ZZ Packer
January 2010
5 posts
2009: My Year in Review
It’s truly unlike me to “commemorate” publicly. For some time, I’d been meaning to go through the photos I dump onto my computer without any semblance of organization, anyways. So, I was staring at all these pictures, and I realized that I really am grateful for a number of things (and people) that happened this past year.
Twitter has played a unique role in preserving and...
December 2009
6 posts
everythinginthesky:
Dean Allen has left a more detailed explation on his thoughts about shutting down Favrd on Jeffrey Zeldman’s post. It’s worth reading.
November 2009
3 posts
The Wooer Reel [abridged]
The Wooer: “You have a LOT of underwear.”
Me: “Well, I’m a GIRL.”
The Wooer: “I know. I checked.”
————————————————————
Me: “FINE I’ll make my own eggs… and try not to cry into them.”
The Wooer: “IF YOU...
October 2009
6 posts
Lights out, & a stiff prick. (And they didn't have...
“What do you women want? … A man who’ll go down on you when you have your period? A man who’ll kiss you before you brush your teeth in the morning and not say ‘Yiiich’? A man who’ll laugh with you when the lights go out?
A stiff prick, Freud said.
[…]
Until I was 21, I measured my orgasms against Lady Chatterley’s and wondered what was...
hips do the work / and i cross the world
Dean took out other pictures. I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents had lived smooth, well-ordered lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives.
My first lesbian pick-up line
Late last night.
sista_flapjack We TOTALLY need to hang out sometime. You are my type of girl.
kimproper Absolutely. Which door are you?
[LONG PAUSE]
sista_flapjack I feel so stupid, but I have been combing the internet to find out what that means…
kimproper ROFL. I’m sorry—I don’t actually know where you live (your bio says “Next Door”). You probably...
“Professor Noam Chomsky may be among America’s most enduring anti-war activists....”
– From the Miami Herald.
I wonder if they ban “Twitter Wit.”
(via adamisacson)
September 2009
3 posts
Truth--Well. I think.
@jackomatik: @kimproper Being in interactive & having family not grok what you do == easier than being in porn & having family know exactly what you do.
August 2009
6 posts
Two Giant Fat People
[You] And I have become Like two giant fat people Living in a Tiny boat. We Keep Bumping into each other and L a u g h i n g .
- Hafiz
"Is there anything else we should know about your...
Dear Genius, MacBook sick. Prone to debilitating hot flashes, but not old enough for The Change. Please help. Confused and concerned, Kim
Uteri, by Apple
The Wooer: “Put that shit on ‘pause.’ Who needs fresh eggs when you don’t wanna use ‘em?”
Me: “Did you know that girls have more eggs than they could possibly ever use anyways? I don’t know who designed this clusterfuck of a product, but when Apple starts making uteri, I’m totally jumping ships.”
The Wooer: “Make sure to jailbreak...
“My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you...”
– I hate my job…
brilliant
(via giantrobotlasers)
July 2009
5 posts
The Last Great Americanos
“There are few things not purely evil of which we can say, without some emotion or uneasiness, ‘this is the last.’ Those who never could agree together shed tears when mutual discontent has determined them to final separation; of a place which has been frequently visited, though without pleasure, the last look is taken with heaviness of heart.”
-Samuel Johnson
I...
A Proper Farewell to The Roommate
The Roommate moved out last weekend. I doubt this is his “Best of,” but let’s blame Twitter search’s crippled memory for that. We’ll call it his abridged guest appearance tweet-reel.
[New Roommate next week. Proper (noun) name TBD. Suggestions welcome.]
Awoke this morning to discover that The Roommate and I are *both* working from home today. Evidently, the cat...
The Illusion of Allusion
A voice like a fine white wine, dry, with a tart undertone, just enough sweetness to tease and enchant the palate. My ear felt her breath, a marked heat, as she whispered, “I want to be your blow-job queen” with precise, crisp intonation. An Alexandrian tilt to my neck, I softly sibilated a reply - “That’s a line from a Liz Phair song.” “It is now,” she...
June 2009
1 post
May 2009
2 posts
Cybersex is the ultimate zipless fuck.
zipless fuck: sex without emotional involment or commitment, especially between strangers.
QUOTE: Erica Mann Jong. Fear of Flying (1974): “The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not ‘taking’ and the woman is not ‘giving.’ No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is...
April 2009
6 posts
When this song plays, the air is thick with...
Kimproper's #followanyday List (running)
#followanyday: because deadlines cannot contain me. And to those of you I forgot, please remember… it’s not written in stone; it’s written in Tumblr.
This week’s faves:
glessner dysolution slag_mag overlandparker smilinbjones tremendousnews / tremendousblog strummingmyclit / clittumblr
Last week’s faves:
remiel richburroughs latent_image bakemyfish shareyourdonuts...
